The suspense is over. Finally — we have a new SCEOPS of the Athletic Village. And what a process it was!

After much pleading, Asinus Gravis let me in on the story behind the story. It seems that after the initial cut — eliminating those who had achieved academic excellence and advanced degrees, those who had achieved marked success in elective politics, and folks that were not consumed with collegiate athletics — the list got down to the serious contenders.

After it was explained to the survivors that those who had not already done so would have to kiss the black and orange ring of T-Bone in Texas, the candidates were further reduced to a handful. They were interviewed, one at a time, at undisclosed locations to keep the sinister press, faculty and students in the dark.

After prolonged deliberations, it was discovered that only one of the candidates for the position met the absolute bottom-line criterion for the position of leader of the Big 12’s newest Athletic Village: i.e., the person, not already on OSU’s payroll, who had flown with the owner of OSU in his private jet to the most football games this year.

That is how we were able to secure the services of the most unlikely candidate of all: good ole Bernie Hargis.

And now you know how our illustrious regents managed to reverse the usual procedure for selecting a university leader and ended up with the weakest of the weak to lead the Okie Sports Union.

Robert T. Radford


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